Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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