i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just cropdusted the office
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize