well I can't set my house on fire every night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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