You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
