Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize