I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
