You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
