3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
