btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
