Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
