Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
