I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
