I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
vagina is talking i cant
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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