Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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