he shaved USA in his pubs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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