i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
