That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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