Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
