im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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