Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She told me I should be a condom model.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
