You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
