I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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