you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
