I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize