The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
