I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
