Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
