The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
