Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
