Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
