Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
