I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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