Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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