Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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