the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
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