Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
