Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
