made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
