Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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