very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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