I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
