when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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