i would punch a child for taco bell
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
