I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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