My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
