I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
