I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
