she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
