I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
