They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
