she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I came so hard my ears popped.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
