Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
