So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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