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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
