Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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