i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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