there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
