A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
don't judge my taste in strippers
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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