there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
