I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize