Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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