"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
