I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
