I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
