I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
