I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
