Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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