I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
