he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
