you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
