I want to walk on stilts...naked
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
