eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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