he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
