So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
