Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
