You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
