Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
