She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
