im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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