I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
