In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
