scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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