It's Friday. Sex?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize