you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
