I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
