when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
