Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
