He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
