I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize