I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
