Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
