she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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