shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
