But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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