Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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