did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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