There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
