C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
