I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
