You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Randomize
