I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
