And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
