Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
