what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
