Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
