Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize