was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
