mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
