just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
