Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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