I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
